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"My Choice!" Is it really that simple?

 

Video source: My Choice                                                           Video source: My Choice - Male Version

Considering that both these videos are now going viral, I could not stop myself from commenting. The videos are above in case you may not have viewed one or the other or both.

Gender equity and equality does not mean pitching one gender against another and invisibilising other gender identities that don't fit in this norm. However, what I wonder is why the furor or the necessity to counter what women say especially when they want to make a choice, or claim their rights.

Why the inherent need to question their intent, or their existence or blame them for their clothes if they face sexual harassment or have been raped? Why ask her to keep experiences of harassment, abuse and violence under cover… for family honour?

Who carries on the family name, while she apparently tarnishes it by being 'loose', having been 'violated'? Who is required for the last rites and every other religious rite and ceremony, while she apparently pollutes these places, ceremonies, rituals etc… by her mere presence, worse still if she is menstruating? Refer to the shame about women menstruating such that a social media site found it offensive enough to pull it down.

Who is the person sexually, harassing, abusing and being violent towards women on the streets and in homes, while she is being asked to stay indoors to protect herself and her family's honour?

Since when did men in our patriarchal society not have the privileges that women were denied? Yes, both videos maybe making a point and the first maybe perceived as biased towards women. So, what is it that calls for the need for countering the voices of women who ask for their rights over their own bodies, life and choices? Last I checked we still live in a patriarchal and heteronormative society where women are judged differently for the same set of things than men. And for people who don't conform to these 'normal' identities of men and women, their experiences and existence don't even feature in most conversations. So, it is a good thing that this video has been made :)



I am not even commenting on the marriage bit, because that is for another post that will follow.

Comments

Most read ones here:

Racing to be fair!

I remember when I was younger; I was given these messages about beauty being fair, dainty and polished for girls. How was it for the boys, tall, dark and handsome? Well, somewhere down the line beauty and the eyes of the beholder parted ways and forgot to inform us. Why because every advertisement today about creams is no longer about protecting our skin against dryness or chafing, only because we want to, but about the colour of our skin. Ours here has extended in the past few years to that of men's as well. The TDH will no longer do, being the quintessential working woman and metrosexual man now means that we all need to be white.    Even if we choose to   ignore the warnings about mercury content in these creams , can we really ignore the racism that they promote? Now, how is that not racism? Or did we forget that   apartheid   was about not being treated badly because of dark skin colour? I think that the present should not learn from history? At least, I hope

Yes...um...No. Oh, wait! Maybe...!!

Video source: It's simple as tea Consent - what, how, when, till when…the questions are unending and rightly so. It is confusing and it is complicated. I believe that is a good thing, because it is only when we are uncomfortable and confused that we start digging deep and un-layer things or issues. It may drive some of us to engage in conversations and discussions, and I’d say why not? It helps the unlearning, learning and understanding, doesn’t it? So, my confusions, questions and discussions with friends and colleagues left me wondering what is consent -what, how, when, till when, whose? I chanced upon this lovely article using tea as an example , and then some in this video - A Lavni about consent . It helped me to understand quite a bit about the yes, no, and maybe, and some of the in between. This also set me wondering. What if, people (hosts and hostesses) feel obliged that they have to offer you something tea included if you are a guest at their pla

Marriage Matters - 1

Image source:  Esposas de Matrimonio Last time when I wrote about our obsession with fairer a.k.a white skin and how that is racism . A friend pointed out that this extends to marriage as well. That is, our obsession, among a list of other things, extends to marriage too. Thus, it got me thinking about the pressures that we have to face to get married, the before and after of it all. It starts at home and then goes on with relatives, friends and everyone else around us.    Marriage is the milestone for most girls right after graduation so that she does not become too old to find an appropriate match , or bear children. It is also because hopefully, she will not have met someone and decided for herself whom to marry. The ‘gods’ forbid, she is 'senseless' enough to select someone outside of her community! What a shame! Boys often face the pressure of marriage as soon as they get their first job. Now that their market value is established. Especially, if he has a