Skip to main content

Marriage Matters - 1

By

Image source: Esposas de Matrimonio

Last time when I wrote about our obsession with fairer a.k.a white skin and how that is racism. A friend pointed out that this extends to marriage as well. That is, our obsession, among a list of other things, extends to marriage too. Thus, it got me thinking about the pressures that we have to face to get married, the before and after of it all. It starts at home and then goes on with relatives, friends and everyone else around us.  

Marriage is the milestone for most girls right after graduation so that she does not become too old to find an appropriate match, or bear children. It is also because hopefully, she will not have met someone and decided for herself whom to marry. The ‘gods’ forbid, she is 'senseless' enough to select someone outside of her community! What a shame!

Boys often face the pressure of marriage as soon as they get their first job. Now that their market value is established. Especially, if he has a 'high-paying' job in an international company with the chances of going/ settling abroad looking-up. This means that the chances of getting a 'good' dowry is also high. Thus, the family members now have to start the 'hunt’. They may 'encourage' the boy/ girl to set-up a profile on any online matrimonial site, advertise in print, request friends and relatives for a prospective groom/ bride. This is serious business! Yes, the pun is quite intended.  

This milestone is not planned or set by the girl or boy for themselves. It is often what we are told ever since we are kids. Girls are told to learn certain skills since they will require this in 'their' home to keep their in-laws and husband happy. Boys will have to study and work hard to that they can be 'man enough' to take care of their wife, children and old parents.  

Yes, both girls and boys are also told that they will have to have children because that is the purpose of getting married after all! Add to this the fact, that all boys have to take care of their old parents, whether they want to or not. This is something that girls are not supposed to do, because… well, this is anyone's guess why not! This is another very 'good' reason why most couples are always encouraged to have boys, boys and more boys.  

Given this 'fact' or 'reality' the assumption also is that the boy when he becomes a man, will bring home the bride/ wife. So that, she can stay with them and take care of them while he is working hard and earning to take care of them economically. Them here includes the wife, children, and the boy's parents. 

 Which brings me to wonder what happens if some boys decide that they are not boys, and some girls decide they are not girls? Or when some boys don't want to marry girls, or the girls don't want to marry boys? Or that they don't want to marry at all? What happens if they want to marry whomever they want to, and don't want children? Or want children but don’t want to marry? Or don't want to live with their parents at all? Does this make them a failure, does this make them less responsible? Does it make them bad humans to want a life of their own, to want to decide what they want to do with their lives? 
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Most read ones here:

Yes...um...No. Oh, wait! Maybe...!!

By
Video source: It's simple as tea Consent - what, how, when, till when…the questions are unending and rightly so. It is confusing and it is complicated. I believe that is a good thing, because it is only when we are uncomfortable and confused that we start digging deep and un-layer things or issues. It may drive some of us to engage in conversations and discussions, and I’d say why not? It helps the unlearning, learning and understanding, doesn’t it? So, my confusions, questions and discussions with friends and colleagues left me wondering what is consent -what, how, when, till when, whose? I chanced upon this lovely article using tea as an example , and then some in this video - A Lavni about consent . It helped me to understand quite a bit about the yes, no, and maybe, and some of the in between. This also set me wondering. What if, people (hosts and hostesses) feel obliged that they have to offer you something tea included if you are a guest at their pla...
Post a Comment
Read more

Learning from my toddler

By
Toddlers may be young and small too, but that doesn't mean they haven't learned how to manipulate us intelligent adults into getting exactly what they want! From the minute my little guy started talking, I quickly picked up on a few tricks he had for trying to persuade me into doing whatever it is he had in mind. Besides clinging to our inflated calf muscles to get out of going to preschool or day care, here are some popular toddler phrases and their deciphered meanings. 1. "No, no, Mommy.  Me not tired."  I'm totally knackered, but I know that I'll miss all of the fun that goes on after you put me to bed.   2. "Pleeeeeeaaasssssseeeee Mommmmmmy!?!" If I repeat this over and over and over again and drag out every syllable even further every time I say it, she'll totally cave. What a strategy! 3. "I want Papa! No! I want Papa!" I absolutely and totally detest whatever it is you're telling me to do, so I'm g...
Post a Comment
Read more

Racing to be fair!

By
I remember when I was younger; I was given these messages about beauty being fair, dainty and polished for girls. How was it for the boys, tall, dark and handsome? Well, somewhere down the line beauty and the eyes of the beholder parted ways and forgot to inform us. Why because every advertisement today about creams is no longer about protecting our skin against dryness or chafing, only because we want to, but about the colour of our skin. Ours here has extended in the past few years to that of men's as well. The TDH will no longer do, being the quintessential working woman and metrosexual man now means that we all need to be white.    Even if we choose to   ignore the warnings about mercury content in these creams , can we really ignore the racism that they promote? Now, how is that not racism? Or did we forget that   apartheid   was about being treated badly because of dark skin colour? I think that the present should not learn from history? A...
Post a Comment
Read more