Marriage Matters - 1

Image source: Esposas de Matrimonio

Last time when I wrote about our obsession with fairer a.k.a white skin and how that is racism. A friend pointed out that this extends to marriage as well. That is, our obsession, among a list of other things, extends to marriage too. Thus, it got me thinking about the pressures that we have to face to get married, the before and after of it all. It starts at home and then goes on with relatives, friends and everyone else around us.  

Marriage is the milestone for most girls right after graduation so that she does not become too old to find an appropriate match, or bear children. It is also because hopefully, she will not have met someone and decided for herself whom to marry. The ‘gods’ forbid, she is 'senseless' enough to select someone outside of her community! What a shame!

Boys often face the pressure of marriage as soon as they get their first job. Now that their market value is established. Especially, if he has a 'high-paying' job in an international company with the chances of going/ settling abroad looking-up. This means that the chances of getting a 'good' dowry is also high. Thus, the family members now have to start the 'hunt’. They may 'encourage' the boy/ girl to set-up a profile on any online matrimonial site, advertise in print, request friends and relatives for a prospective groom/ bride. This is serious business! Yes, the pun is quite intended.  

This milestone is not planned or set by the girl or boy for themselves. It is often what we are told ever since we are kids. Girls are told to learn certain skills since they will require this in 'their' home to keep their in-laws and husband happy. Boys will have to study and work hard to that they can be 'man enough' to take care of their wife, children and old parents.  

Yes, both girls and boys are also told that they will have to have children because that is the purpose of getting married after all! Add to this the fact, that all boys have to take care of their old parents, whether they want to or not. This is something that girls are not supposed to do, because… well, this is anyone's guess why not! This is another very 'good' reason why most couples are always encouraged to have boys, boys and more boys.  

Given this 'fact' or 'reality' the assumption also is that the boy when he becomes a man, will bring home the bride/ wife. So that, she can stay with them and take care of them while he is working hard and earning to take care of them economically. Them here includes the wife, children, and the boy's parents. 

Which brings me to wonder what happens if some boys decide that they are not boys, and some girls decide they are not girls? Or when some boys don't want to marry girls, or the girls don't want to marry boys? Or that they don't want to marry at all? What happens if they want to marry whomever they want to, and don't want children? Or want children but don’t want to marry? Or don't want to live with their parents at all? Does this make them a failure, does this make them less responsible? Does it make them bad humans to want a life of their own, to want to decide what they want to do with their lives?